The In-Between Days

Today has, sadly, become the kind of day I like to--no, have to--think of as an in-between day.  Essentially, it's a day where things feel out-of-kilter; lots of punishments are happening, and you know someone's growing or changing, and you've got to figure out why and how, and then adapt to it.  So, it's in between the good, solid times, and I like to think it doesn't count.

Recently, I seem to have these days especially often.  Today, it looks like this:  Lyla, who usually sleeps well, woke up two and three times to eat the past four nights, and I'm exhausted.  The house is dirty, the pantry is empty, and I am feeling guilty about these things.  Normally, I'd get Caleb into bed and start hacking away at the chores, which are numerous on a Monday.  Today, I am stuck in a holding pattern that looks like this:

Me:  Caleb, get in your bed and stay there.  Be still. Be quiet.  Go to sleep.
Caleb:  Yes, mom.
Two minutes later, I hear a thud or a clink or the patter of feet (not as cute as it usually is), which tells me that Caleb has gotten out of bed, gotten a toy, etc.
I head into Caleb's room.  He hears me coming, and I hear him scrambling frantically to return to going-to-sleep position.  I usually open the door to him leaping onto the bed, or pulling the sheet up over his head.
Me:  You were out of bed, weren't you?
Caleb:  (muffled and whiney) Yes.
Me:  So now you get _______ (whatever I have threatened him with).
Caleb: NO!
Me:  Yes.  Discipline proceeds.


REPEAT, over and over and over.


I am literally writing this in the two-minute increments between repeats of this scene.  Because there's not much else I can get done in that time.  And I am starting to second-guess myself:  Did I put him down too early?  Should I have worn him out more before I put him down?  Is he getting too old to take a nap?  Should I just let him play in his room, quietly, instead of taking the nap?  Hence the in-betweens.  Questioning and reassessing the situation, trying to stay calm.

Today, I've decided he's just being difficult.  And he does still need that nap, or he'll be a holy terror tonight before bedtime.  But my kitchen, laundry and...well, the whole house...are calling to me to clean them, and--there it is!  His little voice, putting off bedtime with an "owie," a "drink," or a "monster."

These are the days I need the most grace.  And maybe a bottle of wine.